Fallen
by saphirefox-irl
Summary: Draco's breaking. Snape's trying to hold everything together.
1. Going Under

Obviously I don't own Harry Potter.

This fic is inspired by the Evanescence album "Fallen". Each chapter is called after a song.

I wrote this before the last book came out. I'm not completely happy with it, I think it's a little over the top, but I've decided to put it up here anyway.

It's all written so I should be updating every few days (quicker if I get reviews.)

It's mainly about Draco but Snape's a major character too. Lucious and Harry feature as well, along with a bit of Voldermort and a tiny bit of Ron, Pansy, Crabbe, Narcissus, Dumbledore and Notts.

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

I do intend to eventually finish the other Harry Potter story I have up here.

* * *

_Everything got worse in the summer after forth year. Not that things had ever been good... but they'd been bearable. I could hide in my room and mostly be ignored. And when my father did remember my existence I'd usually get off with only a few bruises. But then The Dark Lord returned. _

_My mother withdrew deeper into herself. My father seemed constantly manic and furious. And the violence became orders of magnitudes worse. He knew I didn't want to take the mark. And nothing I said could convince him otherwise. _

**A backhanded slap to the face knocked the boy to the carpeted floor. **

**"You're worthless, a disgrace to me and to all my ancestors!"**

**The end of a cane impacted sharply with his shoulder.**

**"Stupid, weak, cowering little child! How dare you refuse the honour you are offered!" **

**Blows rained down.**

**"Please... I'm sorry..."**

**"A Malfoy does not beg! Crucio!"**

**He screamed and screamed. After he struggled to catch his breath. **

**"... I'm sorry father..." **

**A heavy kick smashed into his face. "So you should be."**

**"You're useless!"**

**"I'll try harder..."**

**A moment passed.**

**"It still won't be good enough for you though, will it?"**

**"What did you say?"**

**The cane crashed into him again and again. A bone broke with a sickening crack. **

**"I didn't mean it!"**

**"Don't lie to me! Crucio!"**


	2. Bring Me To Life

No reviews but two story updates so I guess people do want to read this. Enjoy.

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

Silver eyes snapped back to reality.

"What do you want ferret?"

He was on the train, standing in the centre of a corridor. Along with the trunk that lay at his feet he was effectively blocking the way. The golden trio were standing in front of him, clearly wanting to get by. Remembering what they'd just said he tried to think of a scathing reply. But when he opened his mouth no sound came out. He struggled to lift his trunk when a sudden sharp intake of breath caused him to flinch and drop it again. Harry was staring at him. His robes had slipped down off his right shoulder, revealing bruises and bloody wounds. Hurriedly he pulled the clothing back into place before the other two saw. Meeting his rival's gaze, he was shocked to see a flash of understanding in the green eyes.

"What the bloody hell is your problem?" shouted Wesley.

"It's not important." Distraction was evident in Harry voice. "Lets just go sit in that compartment with Séamus and Dean, ok?" They turned back the way they must have come. "He can stand there the whole journey for all I care."

_My father is right of course. I do not want to be a servant of The Dark Lord. But he thinks it's just because I'm a coward. I am a coward. But that's not why I won't take the mark. I wonder if he would finally kill me if he knew the truth. _

_If I were brave, I'd be fighting that abomination he worships._

The blond haired teenager hadn't touched his dinner, instead he was listlessly pushing the food around with his fork, staring across the room.

"Look at that old fool sitting up there!" Pansy laughed. "Stupid muggle lover. He doesn't stand a chance against the Dark Lord! Our time is coming soon. And it will be glorious, won't it Drakie?"

He mumbled something in the affirmative, catching little more than the general gist of what she was saying. His eyes were fixed on the Gryffindor table.

Ron had made a joke and Harry was laughing so hard pumpkin juice came out his nose. Hermione slapped him on the back helpfully. They seemed so happy. A long time passed but he didn't notice. Harry got up. Smiling and saying something to his friends he left the hall. Impulsively Draco followed him.

About a minute passed before Harry turned and asked him what he wanted. The Slitherine cursed under his breath, had thought he'd gone unnoticed.

"Nothing. I'm just going to bed."

"I'm not an idiot. Your dormitories are the other way. I'm not going to tell anyone if that's what's your worried about."

"What are you talking about? Tell them what?"

"That your father beats you up."

"No he doesn't! Why are you making up lies about him?"

"You're pathetic Draco. How do you expect things to get better if you pretend nothing's even wrong?"


	3. Everybody's Fool

Still no reviews L Added to another update list though so here's the next chapter.

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

It was the middle of potions class, not a practical for once. Crabbe was pulling a face that made him look even more like an ape than usual. "Look Goyle!" he whispered, "I'm a mud blood."

Goyle laughed loudly, a fact that Snape did his best to ignore.

"Hey Draco." Crabbe nudged him in what he probably considered a soft manner but unfortunately jolted a half healed fracture. "What's wrong? Why didn't you laugh?"

"Nothing." He forced a smile. "Just thinking."

His eyes drifted back to the dark haired Gryffindor.

The last part of what he'd said wasn't a lie. He was thinking. He was thinking about blood.

_I've started to realise that everything I've been told all my life is a lie. Pureblood, mudblood, it doesn't mean a thing. The only person who's ever given a shit about me is less than half-blood. Granger's top of the year and she's a muggle-born. My father and all the other deatheaters are working for a lie. _

**"This world is rightfully ours. It belongs to the pureblood families. Not to muggle scum. Are you listening to me Draco?" A blow to the side of the head. "Listen to me!"**

"Draco."

He jumped. Snape was standing by his desk. Apart from them the room was empty.

"Class is over." His voice was entirely lacking its usual snarkiness, sadness taking its place.

Still breathing too fast the teenager started to pack up.

"Here." The teacher handed him a cardboard box containing half a dozen dark glass bottles. He read two of the labels: 'Pain Relieving Potion', 'Skele-grow'. "They'll help."

"Thank you."

"Let me know if you need more."

_They're destroying everything for a lie, for a future that seems so perfect. They're trying to make a heaven for themselves, when really all they're creating is a hell._

_I wonder what people think of my family. In the newspapers we're rich and beautiful, pillars of the community. Do they think my father is loving? Or that my mother knows what day it is and can remember my name?_

_So many lies. Does it make you feel better to hide behind them father?_


	4. My Imortal

Wow, people like this! J

This chapter is dedicated to minoki (for reviewing 2 of my stories!) and Retaro0 (for leaving a long review). Retaro0 I've already written this fic but I think there's character development and hopefully it will go slow enough.

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

#This chapter is out of order chronologically.#

Snape sat in the centre of the dark room. The candles had all gone out hours ago. The fire hadn't been lit.

"I wanted to help you. They both ordered me not to but I should have done it anyway."

A sheet of parchment was clutched between his hands. In the gloom it was hard to tell that he was crying. He hadn't cried since he was 11 years old.

**Lucius was smiling a frightening smile as he pushed the younger student to the floor of the empty classroom.**

"I wanted to keep you safe from him."

**The elaborate gilded crib seemed too big for the tiny infant who lay at its centre. He was crying, had been for hours it looked like. Cautiously Severus lifted the baby up in his bruised arms.**

He started to shake as the tears flowed down his face.

**A little child, crying as he held him. They were rocking slowly back and forth as they sat together on the floor. They both had bruised faces.**

**"Why does he do this?" a confused innocent voice.**

**"He isn't well."**

His hands dropped to his sides. His grimy hair hung like a curtain in front of his face. 

Someone was pounding on the door.

He continued weeping to the empty room.


	5. Haunted

You didn't sound rude Retaro0, don't worry. I'm glad you're enjoying this.

I wanted to update yesterday but I didn't have internet access.

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

_If it was just the beatings I think I could live with that. _

A pale boy sat in the centre of his bed with all the curtains pulled. In the darkness his hair seemed almost white. Loosely, in his right hand he held a small silver knife.

_But it's not. When my father hurts me the most he isn't even trying to._

**He woke with a start, warm breath on his face.**

**Pale hands moved over porcelain smooth skin, carefully undid the buttons of a night-shirt. **

**"Please father, stop."**

**"Shhh... don't say anything."**

**Grey eyes brimmed with desire.**

**"You're such a beautiful boy. You look just like I did at your age."**

**"Thank you father." He started to cry, could feel Lucius' erection pressing against his leg. **

_I just wanted a normal father who'd play quiddich with me in the garden, who'd love me. I did love you Dad. Did you know that?_

**Forcefully he pushed him down on the bed, his face flushed with lust. **

_I just wanted a happy family. I never wanted to know how you seamen tastes. Even in Hogwarts I'd wake up sometimes and think you were standing over me._

**His heart was pounding. His eyes were fixed on his son's face. His fingers tightened around slender wrists, where bruises were already starting to form. He thrust forwards. **

**"Don't cry child." He pushed in harder. **

**Grey eyes staring. Staring. **

**Bruising kisses.**

**"I love you father."**

**Hands caressing him.**

_I just wanted a normal father..._

He positioned the blade carefully. Then, pressing down, he pulled it through his skin.

One more scar to add to the collection.


	6. Tourniquet

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

_I tried to kill myself shortly before the chrstmas break. But you already know that. I couldn't face going back to the manor. I couldn't face shouted curses all day and soft touches in the night. So I went up to the top of the astronomy tower, I like it up there, and slit my wrists down to the bone. A couple of second year Huffelpuffs found me though, before I could bleed out. And Madam Pomphrey must have poured her entire stock of blood replenishing potion down my troath._

_So I lived. And they sent me home early._

_Dumbeldore insisted. I heard you arguing with him Sev, when you both thought I was asleep. Thanks for trying. _

_"A student under my care has attempted suicide," he said. "It is my duty as headmaster to inform his parents."_

_My father arrived to collect me the next day._

Lucius stood impatently in the entrance hall of the castle. After a moment his son appeared, escorted by his head of house. Thick bandages were still wrapped around the boys arms. His face seemed unnaturally pale.

"Don't hurt him," Severus warned, keeping his voice low so that no passing students would overhear.

The blond man replied in a menacing whisper. "_Professor _you know it's you I like to hurt. Feel free to visit, you do bruise so nicely." Then he grabbed his son's hand roughly and pulled him away.

_Did you know what you were sending me back to Headmaster?_

_When we reached the manor he marched me straight down to the dungeons and whipped me till I passed out. When I woke up he beat me unconsciouss again. When I woke up for the second time I was in my bed. _

"You are _my_ son." Lucius towered like a giant at the foot of the bed. "I own your life. And you tried to take it. That makes you a thief. By rights I should cut off your hands." A pause. "But you've done a pretty good job of that for yourself. So I suppose I'll just settle for reminding you who you belong to." He lifted the metal rod he was holding. Set in steel at the end was the Malfoy crest. "Temero Increasa." The brand glowed red hot. Pulling back the covers and holding his son down with one hand, he shoved the burning metal into the soft flesh of his abdomen.

_My father wanted to remind me of a few things. After he was done he raped me, cursed me till he was hoarse and beat me some more. I remember being so thankfull when my head finnally smashed against the wall and the world faded to nothing. _

Draco sat in the corner of his room. He'd been crying but had forced himself to stop. It was forbidden.

A long time had passed. Unsteadily he got to his feet and limped to the bathroom to look for some potions that might help. As he passed the open door of one of the smaller sitting rooms he saw Narcissus staring into space. After a moments hesitation he entered and wincing sat down beside her.

"Hello mother."

She stared at him vacantly. "You're bleeding on the carpet." A pause. "Who are you?"

"I'm your son." There was something vaugly desperate in his voice.

A longer pause this time. "Did I have a son?"

_I blacked out at his hands every day over the holidays. He was hitting me in his study when the firecall came. _

"Lucius."

He turned sharply at the sound of his name being called, relaxed upon seeing another death-eater's face in the fire. He pushed his son roughly into the nearest chair and strode over to the marble fireplace.

"I'm sorry if I've disturbed you," Notts said, glancing across at the bruised teenager.

"It's fine. I wasn't doing anything that can't wait."

"I've called to give you wonderfull news. Our Lord has discovered that Harry Potter will be in Hogsmead tomorrow night, unaccompanied by any Order chaparone. He has given you the honour of capturing him."

_It wasn't fair you know, the choice I had to make after hearing their plan. Harry was supposed to be my nemesis. He detested me. Sometimes I hated him too, especially when we were a few years younger. He is everything I could never be. He's the boy who lived. I was the son of a death-eater. He was right to hate me. The first time I tried to talk to him all I did was sprout death-eater propaganda. _

_And I could only imagine what my father would do if I betrayed his cause._

Draco sat by the window in a rarely entered drawing room. It was raining outside. He watched the heavy grey drops falling. The noise they made was vaugly comforting, almost like the beating of a giant heart.

He'd broken a glass earlier, held a large shard cupped in his hands. After a moment he pulled up his sleeves. They're soft velvet with little lace cuffs. There were bruises on his arms. Tea coloured smudges and purple welts covered the pale skin. Then there were the scars, hundreds of thin white lines. And the still weeping gashes at his wrists.

Not even feeling the pain, he draged the sharpest edge of the fragment along his skin. A line of crimson appeared, then another and another. After a moment they all started to blur together.

Harry was supposed to be the only one who can stop Voldermort. He didn't want Voldermort to win. But he was afraid.

Outside the room rain drops fell. Inside blood driped down.

The floorboards are stained a darker colour than before.

_But sometimes I loved Harry Potter. For the same reasons that I hated him. He's everything I wasn't. _

_So I wrote a letter explaining what I'd heard, tied it to the leg of one of my family's owls and sent it_ _to you Dumbeldore._

_It wasn't fair. But I had to make a choice._


	7. Imaginary

Sorry for the delay with this chapter. Thanks for the reviews risi, Retaro0 and minoki! I'm really glad people are enjoying this.

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

_I only wanted a happy family._

_**The sun was shining brightly, so brightly it seemed to bleach all the colours in the garden to pale pastels. Draco laughed, catching the ball his father had thrown. **_

_**"There's my Dragon!"**_

_**Narcissus smilled, brushed a disobedient strand of hair out of her sons face and pulled him into a hug.**_

_**Husband and wife sat together on the couch. Their hands seemed to intertwine so naturally. Their faces were content.**_

_**"I'm so proud of you son. I love you."**_

"Draco, please... wake up."

Severus' left eye was swollen shut. His robes were in tatters. He crouched down beside the fragile looking boy who lay on his side, curled up in a foetal position on the floor. The teenager was too thin, seemed practically covered in wounds.

"The holidays are over. I've come to take you back to Hogwarts."

"Please wake up. Can you hear me?"

"I'm so sorry..."

_**"Can you hear me?"**_

_**"Of course I can Dad."**_

_**"I'm so sorry I hurt you Dragon."**_

_**"That's ok Dad, you weren't well."**_

_**"My big boy!" Narcissus exclaimed, kissing him maternally on the forehead. "I've just baked fairy cakes. Why don't you get your daddy and we can all have one?"**_

_**"Look at that sunset dear. Isn't it beautiful." **_

_**Laughing mischievously Lucius pulled his wife onto his lap. He kissed her softly on the lips. "Not as beautiful as you."**_

_**"You're a wonderful boy!"**_

Poppy Pomphrey's voice was sad. "I don't know what's wrong with him. I've treated his injuries. He should be awake. Enervate's not having any effect. Could this be some kind of spell or curse?"

Severus looked at the faint smile on the sleeping boy's face. "No. He doesn't want to wake up. Why would he?"

**The forked tip of the whip bit into his back. He'd given up trying to count the strokes.**

_**"Don't worry son. It was just a bad dream."**_

_**"Uncle Sev, could you pass the potatoes?"**_

_**Smiling he handed the boy the bowl. His clothes were suited to the warm weather, not heavy shapeless black from his neck to the ground. **_

_**"I love you more than words can say!"**_

_**"Would you like to play a game of quiddich after dinner Dragon?"**_

_**"I'd love to."**_

_**Laughing he flew his broomstick straight up into the sky. The clouds were rainbow coloured with the light from the sun.**_

_**"I'll never hurt you again."**_

**Strong hands held him down. **

It was dark in the hospital wing. The candles had been snuffed out for the night. Snape sat on a chair beside Draco's bed, watched him twist uncomfortably in his sleep.

"It's just a dream."

"I know."

Severus stiffened in surprise. His godson's expression was of fear and his eyes were closed. But he had clearly just spoken.

"You deserve a real life," he said, careful to keep his tone calm.

For a moment he thought the boy would not respond. Then, in a semi-conscious mumble, he replied "but I don't want to wake up."

_**His parents sat at the table, playing a friendly game of wizarding chess. Narcissus was loosing abysmally but she didn't mind. **_

_**"You're such a good boy."**_

_**"You mean so much to us."**_

_**"I love you Mum and Dad."**_

_**"I love you Mum and Dad but you're not real."**_

_**He felt so so warm when they hugged him. So safe.**_

_**"I'm so proud of you Dragon."**_

_**"I love you son."**_

_**"I love you..."**_

He opened his eyes.

_But I don't get to have that. _


	8. Taking Over Me

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

_Do you want to know a secret? I really wanted to be friends with Harry Potter. Not just since first year but ever since I can remember. That sounds so stupid doesn't it? But I remember hearing about him as a child. _

_I never told anyone this but when I was small I'd imagine we were friends. We'd do everything together. In my head. The real Harry was something of a shock._

_He didn't remember all our thousands of adventures. He didn't want anything to do with me, obviously._

_He detested me. So I detested him back._

Madam Pomphrey had kept him in the hospital wing nearly two weeks. He'd told his house mates he'd had wizarding flu. No one had questioned the excuse.

The great hall was full of sound but none of it registered.

"Drakie eat something, you look like a bag of bones!" Pansy sniffed, prodding him with her fork.

His mind was a million miles away, his attention on the Griffindor table.

_But it was a lie. And I'm tired of lies. I'm tired of everything._

_Harry was always ment to be the one to stop You Know Who, wasn't he? I wanted to help him. Cause I wasn't going to be a death-eater. I knew that much. _

He met the dark haired boy by the quiddich pitch, had been waiting for him really.

"Potter."

"What do you want this time Malfoy?"

"I... I wanted you to know that I'm on your side."

"My side?"

"I don't want You Know Who to win."

"What about the purity of blood, _mudbloods_ and all that?"

"I don't believe in it. I'm not a death-eater and I don't want to be one either alright?"

"Prove it."

"What?"

"Show me that you don't have the mark."

He hesitated for a long moment. Harry turned to leave.

"Wait!"

He pulled up his sleeves.

The dark mark was absent. But from wrist to elbow his arms were covered in a dense lattice of pale scars and rust red cuts. The two deep slashes were now livid pink marks.

The Slitherine boy turned and walked quickly away.

"Draco wait."

He stopped, looked back at Harry. The bespeceled boy led him away from where someone might see them talking.

"Why are you hurting yourself?"

"Because at least this way... I'm the one doing it." he whispered in reply.

"You shouldn't. Things will get better."

He laughed, "really? Cause recently they've only been getting worse."

Awkwardly Harry pulled the other teenager into a hug. Draco stiffened, then, after a moment, relaxed and started to cry.

_I believe that Harry will kill The Dark Lord. He's so stupidly nobel and despite myself I love him. But I don't know how he could stand to touch me. I'm so soaked in darkness. And he's a shining light. He's everything I never was. I wish I could be him. And that Draco Malfoy had never existed._

_I can't cope anymore. I'm sorry. _

_Harry will kill You Know Who. And the world will be bright and happy. But there'll be no place for me. I want to close my eyes, fall asleep and never wake up. _

_Harry will make everything ok. But I could never be ok. _


	9. Hello

Thanks for the review theworstwitch!

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

Fifth year was over. He had to go back.

"I'll come to check on you."

"No. I know what he does to you."

"I'm used to it. I will come."

8888888888888888888888

Lucius was waiting at platform 9 3/4. Seeing his son he grabbed his arm roughly and apperated them both away.

An instant latter they were standing in the entrance hall of the Malfoy manor. A harsh slap to the face. "Get yourself presentable! We are hosting a dinner party tonight and I do not want to greet the guests alone."

Confusion showed in Draco's silvery eyes. "Won't mother be there?"

Malfoy paused. "Hasn't anyone told you yet? Narcissus died two months ago."

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_**"Hi Draco. How are you feeling?"**_

A blood smeared face looked up groggily, searching for the source of the words.

"Harry? I don't understand. Why are you here?"

_**"I'm not really here."**_

"What? Where are you?"

_**He crouched down in front of the other boy, pointed to his bruised forehead. "I'm in there."**_

"I'm imagining you..."

_**"Yea."**_

**_8888888888888888888888888888888_**

"You're not fit to carry Malfoy blood! You're a useless traitor!"

The silver head of the cane hit him again and again.

"Crucio!"

He convulsed on the floor.

"You will serve the Dark Lord."

Another blow shattered the humerus bone in his right arm.

"Why are you smiling?"

88888888888888888888888888888888888888

"You shouldn't have come, I'm fine."

"Draco..." Snape leaned against the wall, his robe just as ripped as the last time. There was a lot of dried blood on his face. "You're not fine."

The teenager was lying in the middle of the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Even ignoring the injuries he looked starved and ill. "Aren't those stars amazing?"

"We're inside."

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He'd broken the mirror. Or maybe that had been his father. Listlessly he picked up a shard, stared at his reflection. _**Suddenly it winked at him.**_ In shock he dropped the fragment of silvered glass.

_**"Hello."**_

His head spun round. _**His reflection was standing there, looking down at him. **_

_**The likeness wasn't exact though. **_Draco's clothes, though made of expensive material, were torn and filthy as he hadn't bothered to change them in days. His hair was matted around his face. _**The double however, was perfectly groomed. And there were no bruises or cuts marring his skin.**_

"Who are you?"

_**"I'm you," he smirked, " well the image you present to the world. I'm the perfect pure-blood. I'm beautiful and arrogant. I'm mallicious and cold. I'm all anyone sees. I protect you from them. And I'm so much better than you, so much better than a frightened little child."**_

**_8888888888888888888888888888888888888_**

_I can't take it anymore._

_**"It's ok. Don't cry." Harry wrapped his arms around the shuddering boy. **_He leaned into the embrace. After a few minutes the tears stopped. "You're not real," he whispered. "I'm losing my mind. Mother's gone. I'm left here all alone. And reality seems like the very thinnest sheet of fabric."


	10. My Last Breath

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

Sixth year started like any other. But for Draco things were never going to be normal, never going to be ok again.

He wasn't eating. He wasn't sleeping at night. He hardly spoke to anyone.

_It wasn't hard to get hold of the poison._

On the second week of school he left the Slitherine dormitories in the middle of the night and climbed the stairs to the astronomy tower.

How Severus found him he wasn't sure. He was glad it was his godfather he would spend his last moments with though.

Snape was holding him by the shoulders, demanding to know what he'd taken.

Calmly he explained there was no antidote, that was why he'd chosen it.

"No..."

"Yes. I'm sorry Sev, I never wanted to hurt you. You should have been my father. I love you. And... and Harry too." He laughed. "Even if he is a stupid Griffindor. I'm so sorry... but I can't stay here. I'm not afraid anymore."

The poison was starting to take effect. The world began to fade away, into a silent numb void. Nearly over.

_I'll never forget you Severus. You were the only one who ever tried to help. But I have to go now._

**It was cold in the dungeons. He was shivering despite the bony arms wrapped around him. But he felt safe, at least for a moment, in his godfather's embrace and smiling he fell asleep.**

_I tried to help. I hope I managed to make some kind of difference, the make the world you're fighting for a little easier to attain. _

"Goodbye," he mouthed.

Snape was crying. Draco couldn't see anymore but he could feel the tears dripping onto his face. He knew he was going to die soon. Gripping Severus' robe with numb fingers he held even more tightly onto every halfway good memory he had. Then the life behind his silver eyes disappeared.

Snape backed away from the body. Pushing the heels of his hands against his eyes he started to rock back and forth on the stone floor of the tower. "No," he whispered again. "You can't be dead. Draco... why are you dead?"

The lifeless form made no reply.

_Goodbye. There's nothing left to be afraid of anymore._

_I had to do this. I wasn't going to be a deatheater. I wasn't going to let my father sell my soul as well as his own. So I have to go now. I can't stay. Please don't be sad for me. I'll never forget everything you did for me. Thank you for trying. But I can't do this anymore. I want to die. I love you. But it hurts too much. I can't face the world anymore. I'm glad it's finally going to be over._


	11. Whisper

Last chapter. More about Snape than Draco.

_written_

**flashbacks**

_**dreams**_

_'thoughts'_

Warnings for child abuse, language, rape, violence, self-harm, suicide, insanity, murder, character death and torture.

* * *

Remus, Dumbeldore, whoever it was, had finally given up and stopped banging on his door. They might have left hours ago, days ago for all Snape knew. He'd read the note a hundred times over. His fingers traced the signature at the end.

"You can't be dead... Please let this be a dream. Be alive. Please..."

Tears were flowing freely down his face, from eyes ringed by dark circles and sunken in skeletally.

He stared into the mirror, as though he expected his image to transform into the boy he talked to.

"Be here. Don't leave me like this..."

"Don't be gone..."

But he knew the truth. His godson no longer existed. Draco was dead.

Covering his face with his hands he whispered, "it's not fair."

"It's not fair!" he shouted, punching the mirror again and again, until only tiny shards remained and silvered glass was deeply embedded in his hand.

When the call came, a burning stinging in his arm, he stared at the dark mark for several minutes. Then, calmly he left his room, a manic grin plastered on his face.

He met Dumbeldore in the corridors.

"Severus! Where are you going."

"To a meeting."

"You're ill. How long has it been since you ate or slept? You need to see Madam Pomphrey."

"No. I have to go to the meeting now."

"Severus you're in no condition for that."

"Why do you care. I'm no use to you anymore."

The Death Eaters stood in a semi-circle around Voldermort. They turned when he appareted.

"You're late Sseverusss," came the hissing voice. "Come bow before your masster."

He seemed to consider for a moment. Then very calmly he replied, "no."

"Crucio!"

The pain was impossible, seemed to last for an eternity. But it didn't matter anymore. Finally the agony faded.

"What did you ssay Sseverusss?"

"I said no, I'm not crawling on the dirt to kiss the hem of your robe you disgusting excuse for a human being."

"Crucio!"

He held the curse for far too long.

Snape struggled to breath.

"Thisss isss not expectable Sseverusss."

"Go fuck yourself Riddle. I despise you." With effort his lifted his head, looked straight into grey eyes. "But not as much as I hate you Lucious." Back to Voldermort. "How could you ever believe I supported your cause?"

"Do you mean to tell me that you are a traitor Sseverusss?"

"Eight hours after I took your mark I turned myself in. What did you expect? Even if I had no conscience did you think I'd be grateful to be treated like a punch bag and a whore?"

"It's more than you desserve mudblood sscum."

He smiled. "You're halfblood too Riddle."

Voldermort grimaced. On his order each of the deatheater raised their wands and pointed them at Severus.

"Crucio!"

He could feel his screams ripping his throat apart.

_'Why did you have to die Draco? This world is a horrible place. But you could have been ok. Why did you have to give up?'_

"Crucio."

"Legiloramus."

Kicks and punches.

"Lacerate."

"Crucio."

"Tell me about the order."

"No."

Voldermort's eyes were cold and terrifying. "Luciousss."

Snape knew the shaking of his limbs was caused by more than the curses.

The leader of the dark wizards smiled. "Have fun."

As the blond wizard approached him Severus' breathing became rapid. He knew what was coming.

His wrists were held together with one hand. His legs were pinned down and forced apart with Lucious'. Malfoy kissed him possessively, bruising his lips, biting down so hard they bled. A delicate silver knife cut through his robes. Aggressively a hand moved across his body. He felt sick. Then Lucious forced his way inside.

He finished, left Severus on the ground bloodstained and curled into a ball.

"I will give you a chance Sseverusss," he smiled a reptilian smile, "if you repent."

Snape took a slow breath, held it. "Fuck you Riddle."

"Crucio."

Screaming.

"You can sstop this Sseverusss. I'll even let you live."

_'Why would I want to do that?'_

More curses.

More screaming, fading to hysterical laughter. The Dark Lord paused, uncertain. Finally he stopped laughing. Violent tremors shook his body. "At... at best you're idiots. At worst you're... you're all cowards."

Curses shouted in a dozen different voices at once.

Blows and knives.

Rough hands.

**A young boy with white hair. He looks like an angel but his world is soaked to the core in darkness.**

_'Why, why couldn't you have lived?'_

**A broken child laughs at others before they could laugh at him, tells them they are worthless so that for a moment he might believe he wasn't.**

"You're nothing Sseverusss."

"You were a fool to betray me."

"Tell me what you know or I'll make it sso the pain never sstopsss."

"I don't... care... what... you do... to me any... anymore Riddle."

The world was slipping into black mist.

"Enervate!"

"You're not going that eassily Sseveruss."

Two pairs of arms lifted him upright. He didn't struggle. He didn't care.

"Avada..."

The green light growing at the top of Voldemort's wand was almost beautiful.

_'I'm not afraid.'_

_'He's the one that's frightened.'_

_'It hurts so much.'_

_'Why did you have to die?'_

_'I'm so tired...'_

_'I can't do this anymore.'_

_'I wanted to save you.'_

_'Why did you have to die?'_

_'There's no reason to be afraid.'_

_'But it hurts so much that you're gone.'_

_'Why did you go?'_

_'You were the only reason I tried.'_

_'I'm so sorry I couldn't keep you safe.'_

_'You should have lived.'_

_'There's nothing left to fear now.'_

_'Only pain, no fear.'_

_'Why are you dead?'_

_'I can't do this anymore.'_

_'Why are you dead?'_

"Kadava."


End file.
